I just have to release the valve on the pressure cooker a little....
I applied for a fellowship in early December (two years of research funding...but more than that, a feather in my cap). I knew I would hear nothing until after Feb. 15th...so no problem there, I waited easily. In general, half or more of the submissions are triaged, not even scored. Mine was scored, a modest score, but scored none-the-less and I am pleased.
Of those scored less than third are funded...usually closer to 15-20%...in this funding environment likely 10-15%. My score is probably not in the range to get my grant funded this go around. Probably not. But possibly.
Its the possibility of hope that does me in every time on things like these.
When will I know? Definitely in 5 more weeks. Hopefully in the next 5 minutes. Or in the 5 minutes after that. Or maybe in the 5 minutes after that.
If I find out soon...then I can rework and resubmit for the April deadline. Every minute that ticks away is me losing time to retool my work.
If I don't funded I will still feel pretty good about myself. I am very comfortable being a solid second round applicant. It will still be an honor.
If I get funded this go around? I will probably feel like I tricked someone, got lucky or got in through an oversight (sigh). But I will definitely celebrate...maybe at my next girlfriends restaurant.
*At any rate, my stomach hurts a little... its probably cancer.